If you are a lesbian and you are just coming out, you will discover that dating is a whole new experience from what you may be used to with men. One of the differences is in reading the signs that a woman is interested in you. This is important because, unlike heterosexual dating, you or the other woman will be responsible for initiating the date. No more waiting for the guy to take the initiative! Like anything in life, this has its good and bad points. On the one hand, you don’t have to sweat out waiting to see if he will ask you out. On the other hand, you will experience all the anxiety and fear of rejection that men have traditionally had to put up with.
Now, back to the subject of this article. You may think you know everything there is to know about female attraction, since you are a female. Well, maybe, but in our society you have only been conditioned to interact with men on this level, not women. So determining if a woman is interested in you may be more difficult than you think. For one thing, men tend to be more overt. For another, if you are meeting a woman in a social context that is heterosexual (in other words, NOT in a gay bar or online dating site) you may not know if she is interested in you as a straight friend or as a lesbian love interest. Since 98% of the population is straight, guess what the odds are? Still, it does happen and you need to be able to figure it out! Here are some signs:
- Frequency of contact: After your initial meeting, has this woman initiated contact with you? If you have seen her more than once, does she call you often to talk? Has she asked to see you again? In general, if a woman is interested in you, she will want to contact you and see you as much as possible!
- Mood: When you do see this woman, what is her mood like? Does she smile a lot or even become giddy? Is she always extra happy to see you? Does she give you a big hug? Conversely, if you are unable to meet with her, does she seem unduly disappointed? Measure these mood reactions with those of friends you have had in the past. In other words, try to determine if her reactions seem more extreme than is typical.
- Alone or in a crowd? Does this woman prefer to see you with other friends or alone? A woman that is interested in you romantically will usually want to see you by yourself, rather than asking you to a party or on a “night out with the girls.”
- Listen carefully to what she says. Does she tell you she likes you or really enjoys spending time with you? Does she express that the time goes so quickly when she is with you? If your woman friend doesn’t want the time you spend together to end and has regrets saying good-bye, that’s a sign! Does she offer to go with you when you have alternate plans, such as, “Oh, I have some grocery shopping to do, too. I’ll come with you.” What you are listening for is behavior that falls outside the norm.
- Jealousy. Although this is a negative emotion, it is also a sign that a woman is attracted to you. Does she seem to be annoyed when you have other obligations or want to spend time with another friend? Does she feel slighted by your other obligations? it is important to note here that she may be jealous of your time away from her, rather than the actual person or obligation you are attending to!
One final word. A woman who is attracted to you may never have experienced these feelings before. She may be confused and afraid of these feelings. She may even be involved in a heterosexual relationship or married. Often times these feelings occur as a relationship progresses from acquaintance to “best friend.” With most women, feelings of attraction stop at “best friend,” but lesbians will continue to bond past that point into romantic love.